


A Very Important Infomercial

by amageish



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes
Genre: CYL Propaganda, Crack, F/F, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:21:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28986276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amageish/pseuds/amageish
Summary: Is your Hilda feeling lethargic? Find out the cure 9/10 Healers recommend!This is just Marianne CYL propaganda.
Relationships: Marianne von Edmund/Hilda Valentine Goneril
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	A Very Important Infomercial

Is your Hilda feeling lethargic? Does she stare at her carefully-wrapped Christmas presents for hours, as if a very special present has been left undelivered? Is she suffering from sporadic illnesses which always seem to come at times that prohibit her from completing the very basic tasks assigned to her?

Hi there. I'm Claude Von Reagan, leader of the alliance. Hilda is a very delicate flower and needs to be cared for, but you, a busy summoner, may not always have time to give Hilda the support she deserves! Well, I'd like to introduce a solution: Marianne.

_"Claude. I'm cursed. Please do not encourage more people to be around me."_

With Marianne by her side, Hilda will be encouraged to do work . She can open up about her problems, supporting Marianne and being supported in turn. They can do everything together! They can train together. They can clean together. Farm together! According to a non-peer-reviewed study by Constance von Nuvelle, pumpkins grown by Hilda and Marianne can be up to 25% larger then your average pumpkin.

Nine out of ten healers recommend Marianne for all of your healing needs. And the tenth Healer is Marianne.

_"Claude. I'm serious. You're just going to put people in danger."_

Just look at all these lovely non-Marianne testimonials!

Ingrid says: "Hilda's never been a hard worker, but I will say that Marianne does make her slightly more tolerable. Slightly."

Sara says: "I think Hilda's just misunderstood. Her inner song reveals a lot of insecurity... She could use a friend. I tried to be that friend, but then I started talking about her brother and she 'got a headache' and ran away."

Anna says: "I will support any decision that increases the happiness and efficiency of my troops! Plus, I ordered far too many couples' Christmas sweaters and need some romantic suckers to pawn the extra stock off on... Er, I mean, I would like to offer a 20% discount at my Secret Shop to Hilda/Marriane pairings!"

See? Everyone's happy.

And it's not just Hilda that will benefit from a Marianne in your barracks. A Marianne can help you with all potential battle areas! Central quests and paralogues! Aether Raids and Arena battles! She can participate Lost Lore, Tempest Trails, and even Tap Battles, in the event that they ever do a new one of those.

Side effects of having a Marianne may include: less space at the altar for praying, a decrease in tea supply, and all of your horses being assigned names and personalities.

_"There there, Dorte. Just ignore the strange man."_

Order now and we'll throw in a complimentary Dorte!

_"Wait... I get to bring Dorte?"_

Yes.

_"And Hilda is already there?"_

She's there twice! Once in a Santa hat.

_"I bet she looks cute in a Santa hat."_

She does! She is very proud of that and I bet she'd like you to see her in it!

_"Okay... I guess I'll go if Dorte will come with."_

See! She wants to go. But only you can make this happen! Be sure to vote Marianne for Choose Your Legends 5.

**Author's Note:**

> https://vote5.campaigns.fire-emblem-heroes.com/en-us/series/116/116022
> 
> Vote Marianne... or don't; this is just a crack fic.


End file.
